Having spent a period of time outside of Botswana, I am writing to let you know of my observations and feelings about the position of women in Botswana society.

Culturally, Botswana is a very male-oriented society whereby the female is totally subservient to the wishes and whims of the male.

Unless we change male’s attitude towards females our country will not progress. For a long time females have suffered in silence, they are so afraid to speak up; all they ever do is listen to males dictating about their future.

Batswana males abuse females in many ways. It’s so easy for males to get away with these because females often think males are supposed to treat them in that manner. Females are so submissive to their partners; they obey the rules set, this result in males being in charge. Situations are worse for married couples. At this point husbands feel they own their wives; they have multiple partners, engage in intergenerational sex (having sex with teenage girls), bully them or even beat them.

Here is a testimony from a 33 year old Khutsafalo:

I got pregnant while I was a student (by my age mate). My boyfriend used to beat me all the time. He would hit me everywhere during and after pregnancy. I couldn’t fight back because I was a woman (I was weaker than him). By then I thought that was the way things were supposed to be. He would tell me what to do and how to behave all the time, even though I tried to please him, it wasn’t enough for him.

You see I was brought up in a family whereby my father was the head, he did anything he pleased, my mother was not allowed to say anything or when she tried, whatever she said was condemned. Although I hadn’t witnessed physical abuse with them, there was lots of emotional abuse. When you are in this kind of situation you don’t realize how much damage this is doing to your wellbeing and everyone around you until you become educated enough to understand the whole situation.

I remember one night I was watching my favorite comedy on Telly, he wanted to sleep. He told me to switch the screen off, I pleaded with him to let me watch the program since it was ending in 10 minutes. He got angry, lifted a metal cup, hit the TV screen with it. Glasses scattered all over. I was eight months pregnant by then; the TV was a present given to me by my father. I was so hurt, I ran outside in the dark crying. I didn’t care where I was going. When I finally got tired I sat down and sobbed quietly.

After about 2 hours he followed me, he found me. Instead of apologizing he grabbed my hand and pulled me, I tried to resist. He pulled me all the way to where we stayed. I got hurt on the way, I had bruises and cuts from the road, my whole body were in pain. I had to go to the hospital the following morning and I gave birth prematurely.

The control, the abuse, the beatings never stopped with this boyfriend of mine until one day I couldn’t take no more. I had to speak up because I was so tired, he even threatened to kill me on many occasions, I was so afraid of him. The police had to separate us when my baby was about 5 years, now I am a single mum, he doesn’t give a damn about his child who is now 10 years old.

Lots of examples like this happen everyday in our society, we know them but often we ignore them, we don’t speak up. Males threaten females but ‘re bipa mpa ka mabele’.

Our country is full of single mothers. No matter how much money the government pumps into education how good is it for the stability of the society to have lots of fatherless children? How can the government let women struggle on their own? What impression are we giving to the young generation?

When a male feels he is failing in his duties (as a man he is expected to be) his only answer is to be found in the ultimate sacrifice (killing himself) but it is not enough to take his own life but also hers – PASSION KILLING. Suicide is the ultimate request for forgiveness for failure. This is to avoid total humiliation before his male peers.

In Botswana suicide is the 3rd largest killer after AIDS and road accidents. This is a call for us to act before the situation gets out of hand.

Chao,

Boi